Caring for an elderly loved one is a profound act of love and commitment, but it also comes with unique challenges. Unlike raising a child, caring for an older adult can be physically and emotionally demanding. Their autonomy and their ability to refuse medications or assistance can complicate the caregiving process. These challenges can leave the primary caregiver feeling overwhelmed and isolated.
The truth is that it takes a village to care for an elder. Expecting one person to shoulder the entire responsibility of eldercare is unfair and unsustainable. Here’s why.
The Weight of Caregiving: A Heavy Load for One Person
Providing care for an older adult often involves a combination of tasks that can quickly become overwhelming. These include assisting with daily activities like bathing and dressing, administering medications, managing medical appointments, and advocating for their healthcare needs, whether they are at home, receiving home health care, or in a nursing home.
One person cannot—and should not—be expected to handle this alone. It’s not just physically demanding (think about lifting or repositioning someone who may weigh as much or more than the caregiver) but also emotionally taxing. The stress of being ‘on call’ 24/7 can lead to burnout, depression, and even health issues for the caregiver. Understanding and empathy are crucial in supporting the caregiver’s emotional well-being.
Once a Man, Twice a Child; But Elders Are Adults, Not Children
As people grow older, they often experience a return to a state of dependence due to the physical and cognitive declines associated with aging. This stage can mirror childhood in that they may rely on others for help with daily activities, decision-making, and care.
But one of the most critical aspects of eldercare is respecting the autonomy of older adults. Unlike children, older adults have the right to make decisions about their care, including whether to take their medication or what to eat. Balancing this autonomy with ensuring their safety can be challenging, often requiring input and collaboration from multiple people.
Respecting their autonomy while ensuring their safety is a delicate balance. It often requires input and collaboration from multiple people to navigate these challenges effectively.
Families Often Lean on One Person
In many families, caregiving responsibilities tend to fall on one person—usually a daughter, spouse, or sibling. This “default caregiver” often feels immense pressure to meet everyone’s expectations. They may juggle caregiving with their own career, family responsibilities, and personal needs, like their own health issues. Over time, this imbalance can breed exhaustion and resentment.
The “it’s your turn” approach, where siblings or other family members assume someone else will step up next, simply doesn’t work. Caregiving is not a chore that can be delegated sporadically; it requires consistent support and coordination.
The Village Approach: Shared Responsibility
A shared responsibility model spreads the emotional, physical, and logistical challenges of caregiving across family members, including friends and professionals. Here are some practical steps to create your “eldercare village:”
1. Start a Family Meeting: Bring all family members together to discuss the senior’s needs, preferences, and care plan. Assign tasks based on each person’s availability and strengths. For example, a sibling might take charge of grocery shopping or transportation; one might help with cleaning and laundry, another might handle the financial matters (such as paying the utility and other existing accounts) Note that if a large amount of funds are involved, hiring a professional to handle the accounts is recommended.
2. Leverage Community Resources: Reach out to local organizations, support groups, and government programs to assist caregivers. For example, many localities, like in the District of Columbia, have an office that offers support for aging adults. Also there is national organizations with local offices such as the Alzheimer’s organizations where you can check on resources. Adult daycare centers, meal delivery services, and transportation programs can fill in critical gaps. Be aware that participating in some state programs might require completing paperwork.
3. Hire Professionals: Professional caregivers, therapists, or care managers can provide support and expertise. While it may involve a financial cost, it can save everyone time, energy, and stress in the long run. For example, getting a consultation on addressing a loved one’s specific behavioral issue can help reduce stress for both the senior and the caregiver.
4. Encourage Open Communication: Regularly check in with everyone involved to assess what’s working and what’s not. Transparency helps to ensure no one person feels overburdened or left out.
5. Plan for Respite Care: Even the most dedicated caregivers need a break. Schedule regular respite care to allow the primary caregiver time to recharge.
The Benefits of the Village
When care is shared, everyone benefits. The elder receives better, more comprehensive support from a team that brings diverse skills and perspectives. Caregivers are less likely to feel isolated and overburdened. And families experience less conflict when everyone contributes and communicates openly.
Most importantly, a collaborative approach fosters community and shared purpose. Instead of one person bearing the weight of caregiving, the responsibility becomes a collective effort that honors dignity and enhances their quality of life.
In Closing
Caring for an elder is not a one-person job—and it shouldn’t be. By embracing a village mentality, we can create a sustainable, compassionate care model that supports older people and their caregivers. After all, love and responsibility are best shared, and no one should have to carry the weight alone.